1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
His nipple licking is glorious
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