I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
