Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I am naked and annoyed.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
