Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
