Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
