So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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