Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
