i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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