mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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