Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
