I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
birth control should be required to get into college
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
