i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
