I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You were trust falling into bushes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
