She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
