listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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