And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my being single is dangerous.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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