You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
