I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
my liver is dry heaving
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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