I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
