I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
