i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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