you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
