He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
