If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
