I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
