I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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