Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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