You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
