You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
