Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
