I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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