dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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