loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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