Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
