Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
