Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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