remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
