I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
