I just threw up on my dentist
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
