It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
