The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
