i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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