i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize