This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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