I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
