You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
