my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
