By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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