he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
