they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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