But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
