Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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