Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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