Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
