You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
