Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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