Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
