You made me cry and you don't even care
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
