now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize