They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I could make wine with my vomit
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
