the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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