It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
