so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize