I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
