I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
